What Would You Do?

A few years ago I had to ask myself the question, “What would I do to stay alive?”  I was a smoker, ate whatever I wanted without regard, never exercised, powered up on energy drinks, and lived a very busy “sedentary” life behind a computer screen and steering wheel.  The doctor said my blood pressure was high, my cholesterol was bad, I was borderline diabetic, and if I didn’t change my lifestyle, I was simply going to die . . . soon.  Right after I stopped going to the doctor, I asked myself, “what am I willing to do to stay alive?”   The problem was that I was always exhausted, I had no time in my life, and I didn’t really think I was that bad off.  I was wrong on all accounts.  Worse yet, he was right.

While building my relationship with God, I gave up many things through Lent.  I quit smoking, gave up soft drinks, no more fried foods, no sweet candy, very little junk food, and started exercising.  It has been a long process, but the weight came off, the energy levels went up, my overall outlook on life increased significantly, I developed a sense of confidence, and most importantly, I became healthy.  I can do all things through Him who strengthens me.  It sounds cliché and even like a worn out verse, but it is true.  I found the time in my life to start living full and happy with energy and confidence every day.

One of my friends keeps posting about his high blood pressure.  Every time I see it, I think about how much he exercises and how much weight he has lost, but he still smokes, eats crap, and powers up on artificial things like energy drinks.  We all know these things are bad for you and it makes it difficult to have sympathy for someone who knowingly makes the decision to use products that cause adverse health effects.  I decided I would show him that living right pays off.  I went to the same blood pressure machine and checked mine.  Well, that backfired.  It had not occurred to me that I have not checked my blood pressure since that doctor told me I was going to die.  It was 152 / 91.   I checked it again when I got home only to have confirmation from a different machine.

I had an exhausting day that started entirely too early.  I nearly fell asleep several times during the day and couldn’t wait for bedtime.  As I laid there in bed, I pondered what went wrong.  Heck, I eat Cherrios nearly every day.  Could it be that I have been backsliding or was it that my blood pressure never went down like I thought?  Why was I so tired, because of the lack of sleep the night before or is it the opposite, is the blood pressure making me tired?  I don’t feel like my blood sugar is out of whack again.  What is causing my blood pressure to be so high and is there anything else going wrong?  The questions went on and I fell asleep worried.

At 4:30AM I woke up and started to worry some more.  I asked myself, “What am I doing wrong?”  Even though I don’t drink soft drinks or eat fried foods, occasionally I do enjoy cheeseburgers, pizza, and some other not so good for me foods.  Maybe drinking a few too many beers over the past year has put on an extra 10 pounds.  I do enjoy coffee every morning.  I exercise a fair amount; at least three times per week I run and / or bike.  However, all of my exercise is from the waist down; nothing that is above the waist to take care of this flabby donut.  Now that I think about it, a lot has gone wrong.  Of course, lying there in bed stressing over this is probably making my blood pressure even higher.  Then it hit me again, “What am I willing to do to stay alive?”  I don’t want to die anytime soon.  I enjoy my life.  None of the things mentioned above are worth dying over.  I can give up some coffee, beer, and pizza.  I can do different types of exercises.  I can live right.  Deep down inside, I know what I am doing wrong; the question is, “What am I willing to do to stay alive and actually live?”.

There is a saying, “No matter how fast I go, I lap everyone on the couch”.  However, I realize that I am not competing against anyone sitting on the couch or even running beside me; I have much better competition than that.  I have to race myself.  I must push on harder, stronger, and better.  I am a fierce competitor, and I am racing to win my life.

Focus on Success

Back when we were young we had this idea of what we wanted in life.  We called it the American Dream consisting of the companionship of a spouse, kids, house, cars, career, and a few other specific ideas.  Fresh out of school and ready to start life, we would greet every opportunity with eager zeal because we had nothing to lose.  We got a job, started dating, and went out spending money freely on things.  The progression seemed natural and it was very successful.  Life was exciting, good, and fun.  We eventually got married, had kids, career, house, and cars and we settled in comfortably.  We come home at night and relax as we enjoy our success.  We can now ease back on the throttle and simply maintain what we have worked so hard to accomplish, besides there are others in our lives that depend on us.     

As an entrepreneur we start out with an idea that gets us excited.  We focus on the concept and start implementing ways to make it grow into something grand.   We talk to our closest friends and discuss possible avenues.  We work diligently toward getting it off the ground putting in long hours.   Eventually the hard work begins to pay off and we have a business.  We even make it grow and hire employees.  The business that started out as an idea has now evolved into a smooth running machine.  We realize the responsibilities of running this business: the employees, the customers, the vendors, and even ourselves.    We are now accomplished executives running a successful business.  In doing so, we turn our attention to macro news events and study the current state of the economy and how it affects our particular industry.  The responsibilities are numerous and demanding, but that is acceptable because this is our invention and we are in control.  Gradually our focus becomes one of retention rather than growth without ever knowing it happened. 

Due to the increasing number of responsibilities in our lives, it is only natural for us to migrate our focus and mentality away from growth, expansion, and forward progression to something much more conservative.  We recognize the importance of our responsibilities and do not wish to jeopardize losing what we have worked so hard to accomplish.  The worst part is that this conservative mentality has an element of fear.  This fear can completely reshape how we focus our energy in our daily lives.   As the responsibilities grow and the fear consumes, the ability to grow is inhibited to a point that our goal is completely not to lose anything: not to lose money. 

As our business begins to cycle down we blame external forces of the macro economy while never recognizing that the business model is a cyclical machine that needs constant growth.  We attempt to hunker down and cut expenses, attempt to retain as many employees as possible, and maintain a certain level of income while always vigilant of that bottom line.  If we are unsuccessful at maintaining, we start to make sacrifices to cut expenses, certain luxuries disappear, some divisions of the business get dissolved, some employees get laid off, and worst of all, there is no opportunity to grow.  We are overwhelmed with trying to survive.

There is a natural glass ceiling that eventually slows and stops us from continued advancement.  The level in each of our lives when this happens varies.  Certainly some have much higher thresholds based on mentality, responsibilities, and security.  Ultimately, we all hit our plateau of success in life.  Each step for advancement seems more and more difficult.  We place too much emphasis on the risk of what we can lose.  We even start to blame ourselves as being lazy and unaccomplished.  We could hope that there was some sort of safety net that could guarantee that we don’t lose it all, but there isn’t.  Fear has overcome us and growth has been starved out of the picture.  By nature, our successful business and lives are consumptive and diminishing.  It takes a certain level of income simply to buy food, gas, and necessities.  We focus on that level.  Additionally, we live in a competitive world where everyone else is attempting to succeed; this includes taking from us.  We become defensive and restricted.  We have unknowingly evolved into something we did not expect.

Now, is our focus not to lose money?  Are we only here to maintain and manage what we have accomplished?  Can we possibly manage ourselves into success?  No.  If we have found that comfortable level and given up on any growth, then daily life becomes a fight not to lose what we have worked so hard to accomplish.  We get trapped in the details of daily life.  Even though we created this successful business and life, we do not have to get wrapped up in the micro aspects of management.  It is possible to have a successful team in our business that knows how to maintain.  For others, that may be their level of growth while simultaneously allowing us the freedom to go out and grow ourselves. 

If we were to teach someone else how to be successful in what we do, what would we say to them?  What were the fundamentals that we used to create so much success?  Get back to basics and start growing.  We did it and can do it again even better!  It is time to turn our focus around.  We can and must consciously refocus our energy to our American Dream.  Grasp a hold of that inspiration, motivation, and drive toward success!  Refocus our energy!   

Goal Seeking: New Year's Resolution

My New Year’s 2011 resolution was just like all the rest; I knew the goal, but I had no plan to accomplish it.  I knew I wanted to be better in all ways including being physically fit.  It wasn’t until Lent season that I actually got serious about these “resolutions” and there is a very good reason for that.  Lent was totally different from any New Year’s resolution because it reversed the order of things and taught me about attaining my goals. 

Every New Year’s, I resolve in the same way; I set a goal.  For example: I want to lose weight.  Then, I do some made up cutting back on certain foods diet I dream up and occasionally go for a walk.  This only leads to frustration and failure.  Through the Lent process, I learned about setting goals, making a plan, keeping motivated, and having inspiration.  This time the process was reversed, which is why I think I learned to become more successful in attaining my goals.  During Lent, I learned there was a difference between inspiration and motivation.  Many people confuse these words to mean the same thing when they are not.  Inspiration is that spark that incites or stimulates you.  Motivation is the driving force to keep you heading toward your goal; that daily inducement that maintains your drive following your plan toward the ultimate goal. 

Lent season is about building a new refreshed relationship with God.  That relationship is the ultimate goal.  During Lent we set other sub-goals that usually include giving up bad habits or taking on new things.  This is part of the micro-level plan.   My desire to have a renewed strengthened relationship with God was my inspiration.  Starting on Ash Wednesday and continuing for 40 days, I became increasingly motivated.  I was getting closer to my goal each day, and I had extraneous motivating forces surrounding me.  The benefits of giving up bad habits and seeing God’s influence in my daily life were positive reinforcements that kept me motivated.  By Easter Sunday, I felt renewed and accomplished.

The inspiration is the thing that many people miss.  It may be trying to win the heart of a girl that gets us started on that diet.  Then we develop a decisive plan.  Once on that diet, small successes of weight loss and increased stamina are positive reinforcements that keep us motivated.  Then eventually we strive persistently enough that we attain our goal and marry that pretty girl.   As another example: maybe we come up with a new invention and want to get it out to the world.  We get all excited about it and build a plan.  This plan leads to the start-up of a new business venture full of little ups and downs.  With enough persistence, we can eventually make a successful business. 

The first step toward attaining any goal in life must include finding that inspiration.  This leads to development of a defined plan of action.  Once the plan is put into place, then we find motivation.  Eventually, we attain out goals.  The process is the same regardless of your goals.  Once I recognized this process, I learned that I can implement this into all aspects of my life.

Atrophy: Spiritually, Mentally, and Physically

A couple of things happened today.  Since Easter, the last day of Lent, I have now hit a new high on the bathroom scale and went running for the shortest distance.  It has been 25 days since the last time I even went running.  That does translate to about 20 bowls of ice cream and a several home made hamburgers since the last time I decided to run - or do any exercise for that matter.

I suppose a certain level of confidence could be to blame.  After all, I accomplished so much in a short amount of time.  Being 40 pounds lighter than I used to be, having the energy to do all sorts of physical activities, and having a solid foundation in my relationship with God has given me a great sense of pride.  I am feeling great and confident . . . well, I was anyway.  Then I went running with my son on July 23 and ran the worst time ever.  I dismissed the time because it was very hot, and I had a great time with my son.  The truth is that I was in denial.  I actually ran pretty hard and I knew it.  I had begun to atrophy.  I didn't go back because I didn't want to prove just how weak I was becoming.  Afterall, I am still so much stonger and lighter than I used to be. 

This morning it happened; the scale showed a new first digit: a "2".  It has bothered me all day and made me question what happened.  For work, I had about 6 hours of driving today so I had plenty of time to seek the answer.  The truth is bluntly honest.  I became overly confident in all aspects of my life, enjoyed a few too many bowls of ice cream, and just sat to watch the kids play.  Afterall, I deserved the rest and to reward myself after all of the hard work.  The problem was that I did not do this alone; I had God to lean on.  When it became time to rest and relax, I had slide away from God and giving Him the credit in my life.

I searched my soul for answers today.  I thought maybe I can find some inspiration somewhere.  I listened to Ted Talks which are usually interesting enough to inspire me.  I tried some quiet time to let me clear my head and get focused.  Maybe I can find the motivation to do something tonight when I get home.  Maybe I will . . . no, I was looking in the wrong places and I know it.  I need to look to God to find the inspiration and motivation that I enjoyed so much earlier this year.  God gave me a purpose to do so much more with my life.

The struggle begins tonight.  I grabbed Tyler, who has become almost more of a victim of my exercise routines, and we went for a ride / run.  (He rides his bike and I run.)  We did a wopping 2 KM tonight in a super fast 12 minutes . . . really Ben?  That's all you have?  Let me guess, you'll justify that slow time by saying Tyler fell off his bike or the dog was bothering you or it was too hot.  No, the truth is that I got fat and lazy.  I ran a "2 Km" and was really winded when it was over.  It was horrible.

Where is the goal?  Middle age sucks and leaves you feeling lost.  There is a constant need to have goals.  Merely suriviving life is not enough because I have known the feeling of great success.  At this point, I have accomplished so many childhood goals, found success in unknown fields, and conquered the American Dream, yet it leaves me questioning what's next.  Am I too old for some of those challenges?  Is the risk of losing what I accomplished too much?  Is it just easier to remain status quo?  Will life become empty and boring from now on?

The goal is to continue growing in every way.  It is time for reguvination.  I need to welcome God into my life as more than an occassional friend that I allow to visit with me when it is convenient.  I need God to be a part of my life.  I need to set some real goals in life.  This will allow me to challenge myself mentally and emotionally as I struggle.  I need to exercise regularly.  This will keep my body in shape and ready for the next crazy challenge.  Today, I will stop atrophying and start strengthening.  Let me begin by praying . . .

Played: I Got Schooled

Social experiments are so much fun, until you become the subject. 

I had an interesting meeting with an insurance inspector this week.  I learned a couple of things about insurance liability, but that is not important.  This guy talked so fast I never even got his name.  He was very matter of fact, loud voice, fast paced . . . yeah, he was a typical clerk in a fast food joint in Chicago.  We walked the property together and he bounced around like one of those rubber balls with a string and a paddle.  Needless to say, I lost interest in this character pretty fast.  My answers became short and direct.  The sooner we get this over with, the sooner I can get on to more important things.

We went inside the building to look around.  While he checked the usual emergency lights and bathroom fixtures I decided to check my Blackberry.  I can still answer his varied questions while checking the latest emails.  Right when I was looking at my phone is when he did it.  He spoke softly.  He changed his demeanor into a gentle approach, leaned toward me, and spoke softly and clearly.  I immediately snapped to attention, put my phone away, and answer his questions.  We both even smiled at each other. 

Sometimes, it only takes that change up in attitude to get someone’s attention.  No one likes stern, aggressive, matter of fact demeanors.  When approached with loud noisy people or things, we tend to start to tune them out.  This is true of the loud person or the rattling car trunk near us in traffic.  We direct our focus toward other less obnoxious things.  However, when a person changes up to a gentler softer approach we immediately respond with a more pleasant attentive attitude. 

This is a lesson I learned a long time ago about attitudes and responses.  Yet, I played right into his hand.

Success is Learning

After so much misery, I woke up in the Fordasaurus to a clear sunrise on Monday morning. It had not rained as everyone had claimed it was going to. I looked at my phone to see a pile of emails from so many people regarding my big failure. I had to acknowledge the encouragement and love from all of my friends and family. The time had come to determine if I was really going to quit or if I was going to rejoin the team. If I was going to quit and go home, I had better get moving; the plane leaves in a few hours. All of my gear was dried out, and I had re-packed my gear. To rejoin the group, I had to pinpoint their exact location and get myself to them precisely when they crossed that road. Jason had text me and gave me a general idea of where they were. After a long while of phone calls to shuttle services that said they were booked up and unavailable, I walked to each gas station looking for someone to give me a ride way into the middle of no where. No one was willing to help me even for money and time was running out. There was an older gentlemen that appeared to be retired military. I asked him if he knew of anyone locally that could give me a ride. He replied that he had nothing to do and might as well take me himself. He was the first blessing I had seen in a while. After almost getting lost with him and passing the approximate location, we went back to a possible campground. Going back and forth I finally told him to drop me off at the crossroad intersection where two roads met up with the AT. I got my gear out of the truck, signed in on the AT registry, and looked down the hill to see Spence a mere 50 feet away! The timing was critically close. We sat around for a while as a group and enjoyed lunch. It was time to start hiking with these real men who were willing to accept me back into their crew. I was suddenly invigorated. We went up some of the most beautiful mountain sides I had ever seen. The over looks were astonishing. Spence took off in the lead while Tom and Jason were lagging back a little. This left me alone, again. It's ok; I deserved that. I turned on my Ipod and continued up that mountain with a hurried pace. Suddenly the majestic beauty of it hit me. I had chills up my spine as I soaked in the breathtaking views. I was alive, refreshed, and completely in awe of the wondrous surroundings. This was absolutely awesome!I had no clue what kind of reward could have been waiting for me. Over the past couple of months I physically trained and even prepared with all of the proper equipment. I went through all the correct motions yet I was not ready. When I got here, I was clueless regarding what to expect. I judged quickly and prematurely determined this was hell. It wasn't until I was willing to accept responsibility for my actions, overcome the guilt and shame, and put forth the fortitude to go back for a second attempt before I realized what wonders lay ahead for me. This was not hell as I previously thought. If Heaven starts out rough, I will know not to give up too quickly.In a feeble attempt to redeem myself, I brought back several bottles of fresh water. I carried this for miles and shared with the guys whenever they were thirsty. I desperately wanted the role of motivator to my friends. I told jokes and stories. We had some real positive bonding time. We came to a shelter where we could have stopped, but by unanimous decision we decided to push on another ten miles to the next shelter. We had no idea how much uphill climbs there would be. Heading uphill also means no water. We were running desperately scarce on water, and I had already shared all the water I brought. We crossed one stream and took it for granted that there would be plenty more. The later it got, the more desperate the situation became. We kept pushing along the top of an endless ridge line. Even the dog was getting very fatigued. We must get to water because we were sweating out too much. We finally reached a pinnacle with a bunch of huge rocks. We stopped for a moment to take a break when it suddenly hit me. I said to the guys, "I'm about to pass out" and then I hit the ground. The world was spinning and I felt horrible. This was a dire situation for me. Then I realized I had a half of a bottle of water stashed that I had to drink. Jason went on to look for water while Tom took care of me. After coming to, Tom and I set up camp. Spence ran back two and a half miles of mountain trails in the dark to bring us water. I went on to bed for the best night of tent camping sleep ever. This was a great day.The next day Tom and I made it to the camp where Jason and Spence had spent the night. They had a great camp with showers and fresh water. Tom and TJ stayed there for the day so that Spence could slack pack to the end; the challenge was set to see how fast Spence could make it the last 12 miles. Jason and I hiked with most of our gear. We were a two man team and Jason was the diesel freight train engine full of unending endurance. We had three incredibly steep mountains to climb in the hot sun. The view was terrible and the water source had dried up. This was becoming increasingly difficult. It seemed the harder it became, the more stoic Jason' endurance grew. We finally reached water about eight miles in. The final four miles were mostly downhill and canopied along a stream. The canopy reminded me of what those soldiers must have gone through in Vietnam. They certainly endured far worse then me.Jason and I became even closer this trip. We finished the last section together in the pouring rain. Afterward, we all went out to dinner for huge steak and cheese subs, then retired to our hotel rooms where we nearly collapsed from pure exhaustion. Going through these tough times does more than make us appreciate the good times. My closest friend, Jason, has the ability to push through any amount of pain which was astonishing to me. When most people get weak from exhaustion, he became a focused machine that could endure any amount of suffering.  Spence taught me that we can push outselves to new boundries and then a little further.  Tom displayed how the mind keeps going.  His intellectual business creativity intrigues me because he was able to disconnect which only made him more focused.  I learned about my own physical and mental stamina. I know now how far I can push my body through physical strength and endurance testing. More importantly, I know that I have mental limitations that with focus, can be stretched beyond my normal elements. We should all try new things throughout our lives. Some of those things will truly test our character. I survived this test and overcame failure even at my weakest moment.  The Appalacian Trail is full of ups and downs, knobs and gaps, and highs and lows; then there are the mountains.

Failure Does Not Feel Good: My Weakest Moment Revealed

As I mentioned previously, I went hiking in the Appalachian Trail this week with three of my close guy friends. I was fortunate enough to get to drive the entire 600 miles in an extremely large yet unfamiliar Ford Excursion. We arrived last night just before dark to Mt. Rogers in Virginia. We hiked into the dark only to start setting up our tents and gear in the cold rain. After a difficult time cooking dinner, we went to sleep in our wet set up. Throughout the night, rain continued until I became soaking wet and extremely uncomfortable. This was also my first time in the straight jacket known as a mummy sleeping bag. This was made worse by the fact that my head and feet were touching the tent sides. I became claustrophobic since I couldn't move even to roll over. Suddenly, I became very panicky because I knew I couldn't get out of the bag since I couldn't stop shivering. As some animal brushed against my tent and pushing my feet, I immediately grabbed my pistol and sat awake the rest of the night. I only had a few hours of sleep all night. The little bit of sleep I did get was constant nightmares and paranoia.

This morning it looked like a cold October day with added rain. It felt like hell had just frozen over. I sincerely apologized to my friends, but I had to quit. I knew that I could not survive a week in a soaking wet sleeping bag. Cold and wet just shouldn't go together.

Tonight I sit in the same truck stop parking lot I have been all day. It is not my truck, so I have to find another way out of here. I plan to hitch a ride out of this truck stop in the morning to the nearest big town (60 miles away) so that I can rent a car to go home to my family.
My family has been upset all day (on Mother's Day), and I let my closest friends down. Above all, I let myself down. This May 8th will go down in my history as my weakest day ever.