Played: I Got Schooled

Social experiments are so much fun, until you become the subject. 

I had an interesting meeting with an insurance inspector this week.  I learned a couple of things about insurance liability, but that is not important.  This guy talked so fast I never even got his name.  He was very matter of fact, loud voice, fast paced . . . yeah, he was a typical clerk in a fast food joint in Chicago.  We walked the property together and he bounced around like one of those rubber balls with a string and a paddle.  Needless to say, I lost interest in this character pretty fast.  My answers became short and direct.  The sooner we get this over with, the sooner I can get on to more important things.

We went inside the building to look around.  While he checked the usual emergency lights and bathroom fixtures I decided to check my Blackberry.  I can still answer his varied questions while checking the latest emails.  Right when I was looking at my phone is when he did it.  He spoke softly.  He changed his demeanor into a gentle approach, leaned toward me, and spoke softly and clearly.  I immediately snapped to attention, put my phone away, and answer his questions.  We both even smiled at each other. 

Sometimes, it only takes that change up in attitude to get someone’s attention.  No one likes stern, aggressive, matter of fact demeanors.  When approached with loud noisy people or things, we tend to start to tune them out.  This is true of the loud person or the rattling car trunk near us in traffic.  We direct our focus toward other less obnoxious things.  However, when a person changes up to a gentler softer approach we immediately respond with a more pleasant attentive attitude. 

This is a lesson I learned a long time ago about attitudes and responses.  Yet, I played right into his hand.

Success is Learning

After so much misery, I woke up in the Fordasaurus to a clear sunrise on Monday morning. It had not rained as everyone had claimed it was going to. I looked at my phone to see a pile of emails from so many people regarding my big failure. I had to acknowledge the encouragement and love from all of my friends and family. The time had come to determine if I was really going to quit or if I was going to rejoin the team. If I was going to quit and go home, I had better get moving; the plane leaves in a few hours. All of my gear was dried out, and I had re-packed my gear. To rejoin the group, I had to pinpoint their exact location and get myself to them precisely when they crossed that road. Jason had text me and gave me a general idea of where they were. After a long while of phone calls to shuttle services that said they were booked up and unavailable, I walked to each gas station looking for someone to give me a ride way into the middle of no where. No one was willing to help me even for money and time was running out. There was an older gentlemen that appeared to be retired military. I asked him if he knew of anyone locally that could give me a ride. He replied that he had nothing to do and might as well take me himself. He was the first blessing I had seen in a while. After almost getting lost with him and passing the approximate location, we went back to a possible campground. Going back and forth I finally told him to drop me off at the crossroad intersection where two roads met up with the AT. I got my gear out of the truck, signed in on the AT registry, and looked down the hill to see Spence a mere 50 feet away! The timing was critically close. We sat around for a while as a group and enjoyed lunch. It was time to start hiking with these real men who were willing to accept me back into their crew. I was suddenly invigorated. We went up some of the most beautiful mountain sides I had ever seen. The over looks were astonishing. Spence took off in the lead while Tom and Jason were lagging back a little. This left me alone, again. It's ok; I deserved that. I turned on my Ipod and continued up that mountain with a hurried pace. Suddenly the majestic beauty of it hit me. I had chills up my spine as I soaked in the breathtaking views. I was alive, refreshed, and completely in awe of the wondrous surroundings. This was absolutely awesome!I had no clue what kind of reward could have been waiting for me. Over the past couple of months I physically trained and even prepared with all of the proper equipment. I went through all the correct motions yet I was not ready. When I got here, I was clueless regarding what to expect. I judged quickly and prematurely determined this was hell. It wasn't until I was willing to accept responsibility for my actions, overcome the guilt and shame, and put forth the fortitude to go back for a second attempt before I realized what wonders lay ahead for me. This was not hell as I previously thought. If Heaven starts out rough, I will know not to give up too quickly.In a feeble attempt to redeem myself, I brought back several bottles of fresh water. I carried this for miles and shared with the guys whenever they were thirsty. I desperately wanted the role of motivator to my friends. I told jokes and stories. We had some real positive bonding time. We came to a shelter where we could have stopped, but by unanimous decision we decided to push on another ten miles to the next shelter. We had no idea how much uphill climbs there would be. Heading uphill also means no water. We were running desperately scarce on water, and I had already shared all the water I brought. We crossed one stream and took it for granted that there would be plenty more. The later it got, the more desperate the situation became. We kept pushing along the top of an endless ridge line. Even the dog was getting very fatigued. We must get to water because we were sweating out too much. We finally reached a pinnacle with a bunch of huge rocks. We stopped for a moment to take a break when it suddenly hit me. I said to the guys, "I'm about to pass out" and then I hit the ground. The world was spinning and I felt horrible. This was a dire situation for me. Then I realized I had a half of a bottle of water stashed that I had to drink. Jason went on to look for water while Tom took care of me. After coming to, Tom and I set up camp. Spence ran back two and a half miles of mountain trails in the dark to bring us water. I went on to bed for the best night of tent camping sleep ever. This was a great day.The next day Tom and I made it to the camp where Jason and Spence had spent the night. They had a great camp with showers and fresh water. Tom and TJ stayed there for the day so that Spence could slack pack to the end; the challenge was set to see how fast Spence could make it the last 12 miles. Jason and I hiked with most of our gear. We were a two man team and Jason was the diesel freight train engine full of unending endurance. We had three incredibly steep mountains to climb in the hot sun. The view was terrible and the water source had dried up. This was becoming increasingly difficult. It seemed the harder it became, the more stoic Jason' endurance grew. We finally reached water about eight miles in. The final four miles were mostly downhill and canopied along a stream. The canopy reminded me of what those soldiers must have gone through in Vietnam. They certainly endured far worse then me.Jason and I became even closer this trip. We finished the last section together in the pouring rain. Afterward, we all went out to dinner for huge steak and cheese subs, then retired to our hotel rooms where we nearly collapsed from pure exhaustion. Going through these tough times does more than make us appreciate the good times. My closest friend, Jason, has the ability to push through any amount of pain which was astonishing to me. When most people get weak from exhaustion, he became a focused machine that could endure any amount of suffering.  Spence taught me that we can push outselves to new boundries and then a little further.  Tom displayed how the mind keeps going.  His intellectual business creativity intrigues me because he was able to disconnect which only made him more focused.  I learned about my own physical and mental stamina. I know now how far I can push my body through physical strength and endurance testing. More importantly, I know that I have mental limitations that with focus, can be stretched beyond my normal elements. We should all try new things throughout our lives. Some of those things will truly test our character. I survived this test and overcame failure even at my weakest moment.  The Appalacian Trail is full of ups and downs, knobs and gaps, and highs and lows; then there are the mountains.

Failure Does Not Feel Good: My Weakest Moment Revealed

As I mentioned previously, I went hiking in the Appalachian Trail this week with three of my close guy friends. I was fortunate enough to get to drive the entire 600 miles in an extremely large yet unfamiliar Ford Excursion. We arrived last night just before dark to Mt. Rogers in Virginia. We hiked into the dark only to start setting up our tents and gear in the cold rain. After a difficult time cooking dinner, we went to sleep in our wet set up. Throughout the night, rain continued until I became soaking wet and extremely uncomfortable. This was also my first time in the straight jacket known as a mummy sleeping bag. This was made worse by the fact that my head and feet were touching the tent sides. I became claustrophobic since I couldn't move even to roll over. Suddenly, I became very panicky because I knew I couldn't get out of the bag since I couldn't stop shivering. As some animal brushed against my tent and pushing my feet, I immediately grabbed my pistol and sat awake the rest of the night. I only had a few hours of sleep all night. The little bit of sleep I did get was constant nightmares and paranoia.

This morning it looked like a cold October day with added rain. It felt like hell had just frozen over. I sincerely apologized to my friends, but I had to quit. I knew that I could not survive a week in a soaking wet sleeping bag. Cold and wet just shouldn't go together.

Tonight I sit in the same truck stop parking lot I have been all day. It is not my truck, so I have to find another way out of here. I plan to hitch a ride out of this truck stop in the morning to the nearest big town (60 miles away) so that I can rent a car to go home to my family.
My family has been upset all day (on Mother's Day), and I let my closest friends down. Above all, I let myself down. This May 8th will go down in my history as my weakest day ever.

Running the Big Race

After Lent was over I found myself relaxed but (overly) confident in my abilities.  Saturday was a 5K race that was for Relay for Life as a cancer fundraiser.  Sure, why not?  I have been training, and I can do better every time.  At this point, these are fun and common place . . . even though I have not ran but one time all week.

Before the 5K race there was a kid’s 1 mile race.  Since we didn’t have a babysitter, Christy entered both boys in this race.  I have been taking Tyler with me a few times but not very aggressively and not really training for a big race.  I did teach him one thing; no race is ever won at the starting line.  Every race is won at the finish line.  Most kids will take off full of energy only to realize they can’t finish the race.  It never makes sense to be the one in the lead if you can’t finish.  Tyler was doing great by keeping his pace and staying in third position.  The race ended with a final quarter mile lap around the track.  I noticed Tyler was struggling but remained steady.  I walked the opposite to direction to meet Tyler with half a lap to go.  I ran along beside him coaching him along.  I was able to be there as his Dad giving him the extra motivation to push really hard for that awesome finish.  He gave it everything he had to sprint across the finish line.

I was standing there with all those athletes ready to run the 5K.  Several were stretching out their muscles and some were simply standing there having jovial conversations while flexing their muscles at each other.  In order to make yourself look skinny, surround yourself with fat people.  Wow, I really felt like the fat guy.  In fact, I was the fattest guy in the crowd.  Nervous anxiety started to come over me.  What am I doing out here with these trained athletes?  None of these people know me or care about my story.  At that point, I wondered if I knew my story. 

We started and they all took off; even all of the ladies passed me.  I reminded myself not to let pride take over.  I set my pace where I knew that I could run the entire race without stopping.  Then I started feeling worse.  I had not run on my own like this before.  Always before, I ran with a purpose.  I ran for God.  It was about the first half mile mark and I started praying, “God, please join me in this race.  It is with you that all things are possible.  Please forgive me for thinking this was about my abilities.”  I suddenly felt at ease.  I never waivered again.  One by one I started passing people who were dropping from their overly zealous pace.  I was approaching the end, and I knew I was doing fine.  The Christian music from the Relay was playing and it really inspired me to the point that I got chills up my spine.  I was about to pass two more people and really run that last quarter mile as fast as I can possibly run.  As I turned the corner to get on that tract for that final lap here came Tyler running over to me.  “Daddy” he yelled out.  He ran along with me with the biggest grin on his face.  We both smiled, but I knew what I had to do . . . I am about to sprint the entire lap to show my son what I can do.  I took off and immediately I heard it; my son cried out to me, “Daddy, don’t leave me.  Daddy!”  Oh no, what am I to do?  I slowed down almost jogging in place, grabbed my son’s hand, and we ran the entire lap together.  He pushed as hard as he could.  He didn’t want to disappoint me and I didn’t want to disappoint him.  I helped him run his race and he helped me run mine.  The only time I ran alone was the beginning where I felt intimidated, anxious, and afraid.  I felt at peace as I ran the race with God and became victorious as I finished the race with my son.