Running the Big Race

After Lent was over I found myself relaxed but (overly) confident in my abilities.  Saturday was a 5K race that was for Relay for Life as a cancer fundraiser.  Sure, why not?  I have been training, and I can do better every time.  At this point, these are fun and common place . . . even though I have not ran but one time all week.

Before the 5K race there was a kid’s 1 mile race.  Since we didn’t have a babysitter, Christy entered both boys in this race.  I have been taking Tyler with me a few times but not very aggressively and not really training for a big race.  I did teach him one thing; no race is ever won at the starting line.  Every race is won at the finish line.  Most kids will take off full of energy only to realize they can’t finish the race.  It never makes sense to be the one in the lead if you can’t finish.  Tyler was doing great by keeping his pace and staying in third position.  The race ended with a final quarter mile lap around the track.  I noticed Tyler was struggling but remained steady.  I walked the opposite to direction to meet Tyler with half a lap to go.  I ran along beside him coaching him along.  I was able to be there as his Dad giving him the extra motivation to push really hard for that awesome finish.  He gave it everything he had to sprint across the finish line.

I was standing there with all those athletes ready to run the 5K.  Several were stretching out their muscles and some were simply standing there having jovial conversations while flexing their muscles at each other.  In order to make yourself look skinny, surround yourself with fat people.  Wow, I really felt like the fat guy.  In fact, I was the fattest guy in the crowd.  Nervous anxiety started to come over me.  What am I doing out here with these trained athletes?  None of these people know me or care about my story.  At that point, I wondered if I knew my story. 

We started and they all took off; even all of the ladies passed me.  I reminded myself not to let pride take over.  I set my pace where I knew that I could run the entire race without stopping.  Then I started feeling worse.  I had not run on my own like this before.  Always before, I ran with a purpose.  I ran for God.  It was about the first half mile mark and I started praying, “God, please join me in this race.  It is with you that all things are possible.  Please forgive me for thinking this was about my abilities.”  I suddenly felt at ease.  I never waivered again.  One by one I started passing people who were dropping from their overly zealous pace.  I was approaching the end, and I knew I was doing fine.  The Christian music from the Relay was playing and it really inspired me to the point that I got chills up my spine.  I was about to pass two more people and really run that last quarter mile as fast as I can possibly run.  As I turned the corner to get on that tract for that final lap here came Tyler running over to me.  “Daddy” he yelled out.  He ran along with me with the biggest grin on his face.  We both smiled, but I knew what I had to do . . . I am about to sprint the entire lap to show my son what I can do.  I took off and immediately I heard it; my son cried out to me, “Daddy, don’t leave me.  Daddy!”  Oh no, what am I to do?  I slowed down almost jogging in place, grabbed my son’s hand, and we ran the entire lap together.  He pushed as hard as he could.  He didn’t want to disappoint me and I didn’t want to disappoint him.  I helped him run his race and he helped me run mine.  The only time I ran alone was the beginning where I felt intimidated, anxious, and afraid.  I felt at peace as I ran the race with God and became victorious as I finished the race with my son. 

Pendulum Effect

Life is a constant swinging pendulum of ups and downs.  There was so much success over the weekend with the Easter Resurrection, record weight loss, accomplishing the 40 hour Fast, and even the joy of knowing true success from putting forth 100% effort.  Then it all ended.  I ate what I wanted, drank what I wanted, and even had a relaxing day with minimal effort.  This morning I dug deeper in the closet to find an old pair of slacks that I haven’t worn in years.  They are now the best fitting pair of pants I own.  I had accomplished everything I set out to accomplish.  With God all things are possible.

There is nothing more devastating to positive progression than to reach final success.  The most unproductive time in life is right between successful completion of one thing and the beginning of working on a new thing.  It is right after that feeling of accomplishment that we are left feeling empty and unchallenged.  We relax only to find that we have lost our purpose and need to quickly find a new one.

Work was not so great today.  Some of the things that I recently thought were coming together seemed to fall apart.  One by one, another thing went wrong.  Then tonight I decided to go running the 5K.  Maybe a good run will bring me back up.  I had to stop a few more times than usual tonight: twice for the dog with the nice teeth, once for the old Ford truck that burned way too much gas, and twice coming up those steep hills.  The salt in all that good food yesterday is now burning my eyes like pepper spray.  I did the whole 5K in 31:38.  It felt like anything but success.

There is a 5K race this Saturday for Relay for Life.  In two weeks I will be hiking in the AT with some great guys.  In 6 weeks I will be revisiting high school friends for my 20 year reunion.  These are all good reasons to keep motivated.  However, my biggest reason to stay motivated didn’t hit me until I was at the 4K mark running tonight; I had not prayed all day.  I guess that level of confidence made me a little arrogant.  Lent was a period of cleansing to get me closer in my relationship with God.  God does not want us to simply thank Him for the nice journey.  He wants a relationship with us.

In order for me to keep my life from a constant pendulum of highs and lows, I need to recognize the patterns and direction changes.  It is time to refocus and stay motivated.  Writing always helps.  Maybe I should write about this . . . maybe I will post it on my website since it’s not being used anymore . . .

Lent Day 47 - Easter

Since the very first day I have felt as thought this period of Lent was a preparatory process for something to come.  I have been getting an education so that I can move on to the next level.  I have gained muscle, lost weight, built endurance, learned about sacrifice, and above all, strengthened my relationship with God. 

One of the biggest things I learned about was sacrifice.  I deliberately gave up certain things and habits.  However the sacrifices were much bigger than giving up chocolate or fried foods.  Rather, the sacrifice was felt in the peripheral things I had to give up.  Whenever I was out running, I had to give up a few minutes at home with my wife and boys or even time spent sleeping.  Giving up certain things meant that I couldn’t enjoy certain times with friends and family as much as I would have liked.  Even though they were numerous this year, these small sacrifices make me really appreciate the sacrifice that Jesus made for each of us: his gave his life for you and me.

The question almost goes without asking, what next?  The biggest thing I was trying to give up was laziness.  Well, on this 47^th day, I rested.  I ate a delightful meal at O’Neal’s with family and friends.  For dinner, I grilled the best hamburgers with sautéed onions and melted pepper jack cheese with jalapeños . . . and then the whole family went for a 4.5K walk.  It took us almost an hour, but the four of us and the dogs had a great time enjoying each other’s company.  I don’t know if I will have the determination to keep this going daily until next Ash Wednesday, but I will remember one important thing my big brother Dean taught me.  Do one thing everyday to get your heart rate up; it doesn’t matter what you do, just get your heart rate up.  Even if all you do is go for a blissful walk with your spouse, children, dogs, or even God.  There is nothing more invigorating.

No matter what I do, how much I dedicate myself, commit my actions, and focus my thoughts, I cannot get any closer to God through any amount of action or inaction.  The only thing that matters is what’s in my heart: that faith in Jesus for what He did on this day about 2,000 years ago.  For that I will always be thankful.

I have exceeded my weight loss goal.  I wanted to lose 12 pounds, and I lost 22 pounds.  The last two pounds was from doing a 40 hour Fast from Friday night through Sunday morning.  Saturday was brutal.  I was so tired, lethargic, and worthless feeling.  Unfortunately, the feeling was familiar; this is what I felt like everyday when I was 40 pounds heavier, smoked, and ate junk food every day.  I had started to question why I was doing the Fast, but then during prayer, it occurred to me; to remind me of what will happen if I turn away from God and go back to my old ways.

Along this journey I defined a few things.  Inspiration is what gives us the desire to get up and make goals.  Motivation keeps us progressing along with enthusiasm.  Dedication is the absolute giving of ourselves.  Commitment is the stoic promise.  I have found each of these things in God along this journey.

Writing these blogs every day became a big commitment and obligation for me.  It was the multitudinous responses and kind words of so many of you that inspired me and kept me motivated.  Writing these kept me accountable.  I could have kept this thing to myself and even gotten away with cheating a little.  I am sure God would have forgiven me.  Knowing that my promise everyday was to God and that all of you were watching, I couldn’t cheat.  I am setting an example to all of you and to my children (who watch me even when I don’t think they’re paying attention).  I am a Christian man who made a public promise to God.  In return, you motivated me and God rewarded me.  I can only hope that I inspired a few of you.   

    

This was my journey to get closer to God . . . for all of you that asked me 47 days ago what is Lent . . . this is the best way I can define it.  Thank you all for following along.

Lent Day 46

Motivation.  It is inspiration that gets us started, but it is motivation that keeps us going for that finish line.  Due to recent events and the timing with Easter, I have to ask myself what is my true motivation?  Am I doing this for myself as a disguised diet and exercise plan or am I doing this for God?  God knows what is in my heart. 

Last night I went camping in the back yard with the boys.  We stayed up very late telling stories and such.  The boys were all snuggled up in the sleeping bags and comforters.  I had a sheet and a very thin blanket so I had a miserably cold night.  Every time I moved a draft of cold air would hit me and make me wake up freezing.  When I finally got up (more like gave up trying to sleep) I realized I was tired and did not get the needed rest.  I suppose this might have been similar to Jesus’s Thursday night before being hung on the cross.  I would bet that was his worst night ever.

I decided to go running this morning.  It is a beautiful morning and besides, since I am Fasting I don’t know if I will have the energy to run this evening.  Christy did her 5K running before me this morning.  When I went running on the dirt road I thought it was really cool to see her footsteps.  I felt like I was running where she had just recently gone.  This can be likened to the fact that Jesus has gone before me to pave the way to the Father.

I ran extra hard this morning.  While running the sun was coming up and making it very hot.  I was already tired from the lack of sleep and lack of food.  Then that stupid dog came out into the road to show me his teeth.  Nice teeth.  With all of those obstacles, I kept running.  As I was jogging up that steep hill I asked myself, “Am I doing this for me or for God?”  I can assure you if it was for me, I would be walking.   

We try to set man-made goals for everything we do.  Those seem attainable, measurable, and calculable.  Whatever goals I may make for myself, I know that I can accomplish with an “A” level (sometimes with just 95%).  However, we cannot even imagine the plans and goals God has for us.  Jeremiah 29:11.  If I follow God’s plan, I know I can stay motivated and accomplish the goal 100%.

Lent Day 45

Good Friday.  It is Good Friday not because of anything we have done, but because of what He did for us.  God gave his only begotten son.  Jesus sacrificed his life for our sins.  He committed His life so that we may have eternal life.

I participated in the passion play at church where we reenacted the crucifixion of Jesus.  As a Roman soldier, I had to block Jesus from the crowd as He carried His cross.  What surprised me the most was how animated some of the members of the crowd had become.  The hatred for this mere common criminal shocked me.  Before, during, and after the death on the cross, they continued to disbelieve that He was their savior. 

I watched the actor play Jesus on the cross.  He did so with such stoicism and stamina.  I know that I was standing on the ground for all that time and felt weak in the feet and knees.  It was much harder to be standing on a cross.  It must have been so much for Jesus to bear up on that cross.  The physical torture that Jesus went through was obviously unbearable.  It just amazes me that the people 2,000 years ago could stand there and spit upon Him and display so much hatred for Him.  Forgive them Father for they know not what they do.

Anything that I have gone through during this Lent period has certainly paled in comparison.  It felt like so much effort physically, emotionally, and mentally.  I ran this afternoon in the 90 degree heat.  I felt focused and I wanted to put forth more effort today than anytime previously, especially today.  I knew if I kept pushing myself harder, I could do it for Jesus.  It was the least I could do to show Him that I can do all things through Him who strengthens me.  My final time was 30:40.  I felt like I had failed when I had to keep walking in that hot sun and finished with a worse time than previously. 

The journey is not over.  The Good Friday event just began.  Sunday’s a coming!  Starting tonight, I shall Fast for 40 hours: through Easter morning.  I shall do this with complete dedication of myself and remain committed to Him.  It just feels like such a small sacrifice in comparison.  I will definitely do one thing even after Easter; I shall remain dedicated. 

Lent Day 44

Confidence.  Confidence comes from experiencing success and gaining a subsequent belief in the likelihood of continued success.  Repeated success increases confidence.  Successful completion of increasingly difficult tasks increases one’s confidence level correspondingly.  This is true in any application.

Tonight we had tee ball and baseball games at opposite ends of the ball park.  They could not put the boys any further apart.  Since the games were simultaneous, I ran to see the opposite game.  I literally ran the entire way without getting winded or hesitating in my ability to make it without walking or stopping.  I have no doubt that I can easily run a couple of miles without stopping.  Fortunately it is not very often that someone is chasing me, but if there ever is . . . I’ll be able to run.

I went running when we got home tonight which was after dark.  Normally I do not like running after dark down these wooded dirt roads.  The last couple of nights have been exceptionally dark since there has been no moon.  I decided to go run on the road anyway, but I brought two small powerful flashlights.  I realized that I did not need them by the time my eyes adjusted to the dimness once I got away from the house.  Of course, that object on the side of the road that looked like either a person or a large bear coming at me made me jump back and frightened me . . . until I turned on the flashlight and realized it was a rapidly approaching mailbox.  After that, I never turned the flashlights on again.  Simply having the flashlights with me gave me the confidence to run in the dark.  The pen and sword may be mighty weapons, but a flashlight can stop any mailbox.

Having God on my side gives me confidence.  The more I listen to God and build my relationship with Him, the more confident I am that I can accomplish anything with Him.  Problems can be resolved and successes will be attained.  I have given myself to God through Lent for the past few years.  With this dedication and commitment, I have grown increasingly more confident in my ability to do whatever God has in store for me.   

There was one fascinating thing about tonight’s run.  I don’t think I have ever seen so many lightning bugs in my life.  It was a grand, bug powered fireworks show all along the road.  There were so many of them that I almost ate two of them; I don’t think one of them survived the venture into my mouth.  It almost made my teeth glow.  Maybe that was practice for the coming hiking trip in the mountains.

Lent Day 43

Goals and Plans.  Very little success can be accomplished without a goal.  Once goals are set, a plan will help you attain that goal.  Having motivation will help you stick to that plan.  Having the inspiration . . . that’s the spark that gets you started.

I’ve had people asking me what am I going to do after Easter, will I continue these blogs, how much weight will I lose, is there a target?  These are all tough questions for me.  A few weeks before Lent, I became very anxious for Ash Wednesday.  I have learned over the past couple of years that Lent has brought me so much closer to God.  With that relationship with God, I feel accomplished. 

The goal was to get closer to God.  The plan was to make sacrifices.  The process involved ongoing motivation through pure dedication and stoic commitment.  Past and present feelings of success are my inspiration.  Walking with God in my life has brought me much joy and happiness.  The rewards are numerous ranging from grand problems being resolved to trivial weight loss.  Nonetheless, the feeling of success when I accomplish my goals is what makes me happy. 

There are only a few days left until Easter.  Before I get to the end of this Lent season I have to come up with a plan for what’s next.  The most unsuccessful period in life is right after goals have been accomplished and new ones have not been implemented yet.  Will I continue in my walk with God?  I plan on it.  Will I go running everyday?  I know that it has become a habit and something that I really look forward to each day.  Will I continue with the diet and lack of certain bad foods?  I am sure my taste buds have changed and I won’t even want some of those bad foods.  Will I ever have a beer again?  You bet.  Will I continue the blog each day? 

I can’t wait to see what God’s plan is for me.  Whatever the next level is, I know I am up to the challenge now.